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Lighting the Fuse on this Legendary Thread - scribbles and lies

May. 17th, 2010

11:29 pm - Lighting the Fuse on this Legendary Thread

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On hindsight, it was a terrible mistake.

I suppose some would go so far as to claim that all psycho-psionic weaponry is a mistake. That PPWs are, as a class, a terrible dark art, an arcane abomination, the worst sort of scientific voodoo. They would paint the entire field with the brush of a single implementation gone horribly awry, but they are wrong. PPW has its place.

It's just this one munition, is all.

Look at some of our other great successes, though: The visual incapacitation of the "Shock & Awe" dual-warhead mortar. The distraction capability of a well-placed burst of "Me So Horny". The bowel-disrupting religious panic of the classic "Holy Crap". For safely and humanely busting small, specific targets, our mind weapons have no equal.

It was our attempt to develop strategic systems that was misguided.

The primary effect was exactly as intended. A change in the chemical balance between the lobes of the mammalian brain would trigger an increased impulse towards combative, confrontational behavior. Not physical aggression, mind you; rather, the disinhibited social sort. Abusive, divisive behavior directed at allies.

That the effect could be electrochemically transmitted to those allies was unexpected.

But as strategic mechanisms go, it couldn't be beat. Within days, maybe hours, sometimes mere minutes, a once friendly, cohesive, cooperative unit could be set to in-fighting. Suspicions would flare and insults would fly as a terrible game of obnoxious one-upmanship spread rapidly through the ranks. Awesome to behold.

But also hard to contain or shield against, it turns out.

And so I suppose it was inevitable that eventually we, the research team, would be infected by our own weapon in testing. Really, this is your fault, sir. We'd be fine if you hadn't fagged up our lab with your strategic investigation. Maybe if you'd taken some time out of your busy cock-sucking schedule, you'd have realized it was a bad idea.

I'm sorry, I can't understand what you're saying with so much dick in your mouth.

You seem upset. Is it because you wanted us to deliver a weapon capable of dismantling the enemy's entire culture, only it turns out to be too dangerous to do that? Is it because your career is up shit creek now? Or is it just because you finally found out that your dick really is that small compared to, oh, pretty much anyone else's?

I'm sorry, was that news to you?

Oh, believe me, I know exactly what I'm saying. The psychoactive field doesn't make us mindless idiots, you know. Or you would know, if you'd read our briefing. Which you would have done, if you were literate. Which you would be, if you hadn't spent all of your school years face down on the carpet of your professors' offices.

By all means, call security and get them just as infected as we are.

Don't you see what's happening? The sooner you break off this connection the more likely you are to avoid mental implantation yourself. I'm just going to keep trolling you otherwise until I hit the weak spot. By all means, stay on the line all day. It's not like you're actually useful enough to the military to be given a real field assignment.

Oh, did that one cut a little too close for comfort?

Well here's your chance to whip that little wiener of yours out and pound it as hard as you can, until the other pussies in that circle jerk of a defense department realize you're done playing the part of the biscuit. Think you can manage a coherent enough phone call to order a nuclear strike on our lab? Or are you going to sit there crying?

Or are you tough enough to drop the Drama Bomb on the whole planet and wade in swinging?

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For consideration: web comment threads are the new plague pits