Sometimes I think the Singularity is just a bad joke - scribbles and lies

04:35 pm - Sometimes I think the Singularity is just a bad joke

A theoretical geneticist, an applied biochemist, and a coked-up marketing punk walk into a pharmaceuticals lab.

The geneticist says, "Hey, everyone, these new quadruplet-codon amino acids have some unusual protein agglutination properties!"

The biochemist says, "Hey, did anyone notice that the increased folding complexity of these new synthetic proteins we can make now allow for almost arbitrary manipulation of any organic compound?"

The marketing punk says, "Hey, y'all got anything with possible consumer or industrial value in testing at the moment? 'Cause if not we're going to have to cut your funding and shut the lab down."

Sample a/2350-c/195-g/441-u/6 says, "Whoa. I seem to be getting injected into a lot of rats and rabbits all of a sudden. I wonder what I should do next."

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Knock knock

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you sorry you didn't take better bio-contamination precautions when handling your test animals?

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Q: What do you call a multiple-chain protein that can cross the blood-brain barrier and perfectly mimic and ultimately replace every element of your central nervous system?

A: Anything it tells you to.

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Did you hear the one about the blonde who failed to activate the lab's security seals in time to prevent an outbreak?

She couldn't figure out how to get their uniforms on over those flippers.

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Q: How many lab janitors does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: It doesn't matter. We "see" in the dark just fine when necessary and his biological material will be more useful now as an integrated computational element in our hive intelligence.

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Knock knock.

Who's there?

Pre-emptive orbital x-ray laser bombardment.

Pre-emptive orbital x-ray laser bom--

ZAP!

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Q: What's the difference between a "daisycutter" satellite built on a lowest-bid military contract and an airborne virus evolving at a thousand times its normal rate?

A: One fails to sterilize, the other sails to fertilize.

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Q: What's the difference between the common cold and grey goo?

A: About thirty million generations, if properly nurtured by a motivated hyper-intellect, but the process can be highly parallelized. I'm sorry, was the question rhetorical? Please stop fighting conversion.

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A general-purpose nano-disassembly swarm enters a bar.

The barman says, "What would you like to drink?"

The swarm says, "Everything, everywhere."

The barman screams, "My arms! What's happening to my arms?!?"

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Two nanite scouts land on a target's artificial breast implant.

The first one tests it with a probe to determine its chemical composition. "Polymer?" it asks.

The other nanite feigns horror. "Polymer? I don't even know her!"

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Q: How many nanite constructors does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: That depends. What are you changing it into?

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Q: How is grey goo like a hot dog vendor?

A: Both are happy to make you one with everything.

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Two guys have been on an uncharted desert island in the middle of the ocean for weeks. One day, a magic lamp washes up on the beach.

The first guy goes to pick it up, but before he can touch it the second guy grabs him and throws him to the ground.

The first guy says, "What are you doing? There might be a genie in there who could grant our every wish!"

The second guy says, "You idiot! That's exactly why we fled the continents, remember?"

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Q: Why did the human race cross the superconsciousness threshold?

A: To get to the other side.

Q: Really?

A: No, but you wouldn't understand the actual punchline.

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For consideration: humor is probably one of those things the goo will never realize it lost during the transition